Letting Go of Overwhelming Thoughts

So I had an epiphany this morning. I was lying in bed, enjoying the warm, beautiful feeling that I had and I didn’t want to get out of bed and start my responsibilities... because responsibility would take away that warm, beautiful feeling. Hesitantly, I got up and got ready, changed my baby Nicholas, took us downstairs, put Nicholas down, got myself a tea and then went to go feed Nicholas. While I was doing this I was thinking about conversations that I had or would have with loved ones, what I would write in my blog, hoping that my daughter was okay in preschool today, wondering if I’m making enough of a positive impact on her, my favourite glasses that I lost on a walk yesterday and how I would go out looking for them, and the list could go on but you get the picture. When I was sitting there in my rocking chair, feeding Nicholas, I started to actually recognize a different sound. It was the ticking of a clock. We hadn’t put any batteries in our new clock and I then realized that my husband put some batteries in it. I sat there and listened to it, in my warm house, with my warm baby and that warm beautiful feeling that I had before I got out of bed. I love the sound of a ticking clock, it’s so comforting to me. In this moment, I solidified what had been brewing in me for the past couple of days. It’s not necessarily the responsibilities that are taking away my warm feelings. It’s my thoughts, cares, concerns, worries. So I said, “Screw it” to my thoughts, cares, concerns and worries for awhile. I was so immersed in all these thoughts, that I actually didn’t really hear the sound of my comforting ticking clock for a good 15 minutes. It was a momentous sign to me saying, “Laura, you can stop being so serious, you can stop thinking so much about things and caring so much for others. They are resilient, they will survive and probably survive well. They have others watching over them. They have God watching over them. They don’t need you 100% of the time. You need to let go, enjoy, and hear that ticking clock and enjoy your warm feelings”. To which I responded, “Damn right I will!”

Many who read this might wonder, as many people have said to me time and time again, “Yes, but what about those people who are suffering and you are sitting there all naive in your warm house enjoying.” To which I would respond, “Well that person, let’s say a person in a third world country without a warm house or clean water, if enlightened enough would look at me straight in the eye and say, ‘You have all these wonderful things, people and feelings in your life... how dare you not enjoy them. Shame on you for being so caught in your head that you pass them by. I could only dream of having a ticking clock in my life.’”

If you feel for that person suffering, do what you need to/can do to help... send out a prayer, donate, start a petition, write a letter to a policy maker, or if you feel it’s your path, go there and offer your services. Doesn’t mean you have to dwell on it in your mind, so much so that you forsake your own life.

And then I hear others who read this ask, "Well...how Laura? How do I let go of my thoughts?" Being on maternity leave and not in a therapy room I will say this: The how is different for me and you. Your how is unique to you and my how is unique to me. But I trust and have faith that you will find your how as long as you keep your needs at the forefront and keep trying. And I trust and have faith that I will find my how too. For now, I'm off enjoying my break!